The outward appearance...
I've kept this Pinterest board a secret, for many many years - because I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with my personal style and also didn't feel the need to divulge it with everyone.
Until now.
Since having Alfie, I have put on weight. I am now no longer viewing myself as less because of that reason. Because frankly, being a size 6-8 (Aus) meant starving myself, belittling or putting myself down to 'force' myself to exercise - and having to exercise twice a day for about 4 hours a day. More on weekends. Just to maintain a body size that people, and myself at the time, deemed worthy of recognition and love.
Our society is fat phobic. We see value in thin. We gain weight and instantly feel less. I am not talking about being unhealthy. Unhealthy feels, is and looks different.
Unhealthy can also look thin.
Look at anorexia, look at bulimia. That is not healthy. We are fat phobic, and that is damaging. Diet culture is damaging. Body shaming is damaging. If we all learnt to love ourselves more, we would treat our bodies with respect. That is what I am learning to do.
This Pinterest board started off with me pinning looks I loved. I soon got discouraged because I could not make it work. Because only one body shape was being represented. So I went searching for more, and my god I found it!
Since not beating myself up for gaining some weight, I want to move more. Not to lose weight, but to love my body and because moving feels good. I also don’t care what I eat, and because I don’t care - I actually don’t eat as much crap or have binge sessions because “tomorrow I have to be good again”. If my body changes, it will change because I respect it. Not because I am trying to ‘fix myself’. I do not need to be fixed. I eat cake, chocolate and I eat salads and granola bars. I fuel my body, when it needs it. That’s it.
Do I have it all figured out? Absolutely not. I just know that I am on (god I am going to hate myself saying this) a “journey” (barf) and I am still figuring things out, and changing the way I think.
Our worth and value is not measured by scales or clothing tag sizes!!!
I have culled my clothes. I chucked out everything I was still holding onto that was a 6 or an 8 - because one day I would get back to it. Ha, I am never going to find the time to exercise 4 hours a day anymore, plus I cannot function on minimal food.
I kept everything that fits me. Disregarding the tag size, because quite frankly it ranges from a size 10 to a 16 - so go figure.
I’m starting again, I am buying what fits me - whether that means I go up or down a size in the fitting room. I don’t care. I will buy things to look good on me, not make myself look good for my clothes. Because I look good now.
Time to stop body shaming myself, because my body is amazing. The way it is now.
AJ xo
